Let me just preface this by saying that I'm sorry for whoever finds this posting offensive, but Dallas, Texas must be the most disgustingly tacky place I have ever had the displeasure of visiting! On a scale of 1 to 10 on the fucking gross factor, i would give it a 13.

As many of you know, I have really really bad luck flying. From being stuck in a blizzard for 3 days in Cincinnati to being stripped searched in Newark, I'm always scathed in someway through my air travel. This time was no different. After a battle to get to the airport w/ my boyfriend, the lovely Danny O'Connor, I ended up waiting on a plane for seven hours with the minute possibility that we could get out of the record-setting Portland blizzard in the twenty minute window of when we got deiced and when the runway got plowed to safely get off the ground. Through sheer luck (or unluck), we did manage this feet at 7:40P PST (Originally scheduled to leave 12:45P PST). Two hours and fifty minutes later, I'm in Dallas TX.

The airline did as much as they could to faciliate a smooth transition in this turmoltuous time for it's valued passengers. They gave us hotel vouchers for the Ramada Lovefield and they arrainged a shuttle to this destination as well. Nice. We were all pretty grumpy and disoriented, but all managed to be on the shuttle at 12:45A CST. Unsurprisingly, the shuttle was cramped and smelled like old socks. I was smooched between a pretty midwestern girl and a fat man who never spoke. I may have been a little less cool with this if I hadn't been through one of those ordeals that strips people of their will to maintain individuality, but we could have been on our way to Auschwitz, and I probably wouldn't have cared. I was grumpy, hungry (they did not feed us at all on the 8 hour wait on the plane), relieved to be out of the tin can, and tired. I rested my head on the plexy glass window and watched the neon sign jungle grace pass me with all it's electric glory.

It wasn't until we got into a part of Dallas that I would label the..less..family oriented before my haze let up some. I mean, it's not every day you see a liquor store the size of a full on grocery store and with the sterile whiteness of a doctors office called "Big Daddy's Liquor". It was massive. How many different liqours are they that this specialty item can fill and entire stripmall full of shelves? All I could think is that being the fattest state in the union, it takes more than the average amount of alcohol to get shitfaced. More liquor stores passed, none with the zeal as Big Daddy's though. After a miracle mile of intoxicants, I came across probably one of the weirdest and trashiest stores I'd ever seen: Condoms to Go. I mean, seriously? How in a rush are you that you need a drive through for condoms? Now, I know that these Texans have an animal-like urge to get sexy that creeps up without warning, but I mean c'mon dude...plan ahead a little. The pretty midwestern girl on the shuttle exchanged glances with me before I mouthed "where are we??" she just shrugged and starting laughing at the surreality of it. We turned a corner and I was then assaulted by a strip of fast food establishments. Whataburgers, McDonalds, and Wendys were the top dominators, but there was also a Burger King and a Mr. Meaty (or something) all vying desperatly for the business of the denizens of Dallas. And then it hit me! I was just a spectator in the timeline of what makes Texas Texas. Liquor, sex, and fast food. I mean, what makes a Texan feel more alive than intoxication, fucking, and gorging? I'm sure that racial descrimintion, nascar, spousal abuse, and traditional family values are somewhere in that rubix cube of their society but I think I just found the core of what makes this state so...Texas.

I am now sitting in the airport biding my time before I get back up to the North. I'm already getting stares and for having an Apple product, like I'm some sort of freakshow. I guess in this environment, I happily am.